Growing Up
by everyday0203
Summary: Temari reflects on Gaara's childhood. oneshot. NOT SANDCEST.


**Okie dokie folks! here's another little oneshot i did. Only this time i gave Temari the spotlight.**

**my friend Sakuradeathblossom keeps inspiring me to write these stories...if it wasn't for her, The Changing Sands would be the only one i have so far. so i thought i would return the favor...  
she has this awesome webpage. it has her kickass artwork on it. you should all go see it and support her AND her webpage...otherwise i will inflict pain...lots and lots of pain.  
:-P  
here's the address: but since it won't let me put it on here...follow these simple directions:**

**www.  
THEN  
geocities.  
THEN  
com/sakuradeathblossom/**

**for a girl so young, she has incredible talent!**

**without further delay...the story!**

**:-)**

* * *

I use to have two brothers. 

Now I have one brother and a monster.

It kills me to see what our family has become.  
We've never really been close to a normal family, but we still functioned.  
Now we just wait...  
Wait to see when the monster will destroy us all.

When our mother died, I knew full well what my role in the family now was: as the oldest child and the only girl, I had to step up (even though I was so young) and take care of my little brothers.  
Especially the new baby, whom our mother named Gaara.

When our father saw me take on this role, and saw me force myself to abandon my childhood and grow up, he warned me about my new baby brother.

"Don't go near him" he warned me. "A monster snuck into him while your mother was asleep and he killed her. You don't want to love the murderer of your own mother, do you?"

But I knew better.  
Even when I was so young I knew better…  
I knew that monsters don't sneak into pregnant women…they have to be placed there.  
I also knew that babies don't kill their own mothers…our father was responsible in some way.

So I deliberately disobeyed him.

Father was always so busy being the Kazekage to ever really be around us anyways; so it was easy to sneak visits in with my baby brother.  
But it was hard to sneak around our uncle…he was always by the baby's side, making sure he didn't sleep.

As time went on, we grew and soon Gaara was able to run around and play with us.

Kankuro, however, believed father's lies.

"How can you play with him?" he would hiss at me. "He killed our mother!"

"Shut up Kankuro!" I would yell back at him. "Gaara didn't do anything, no matter what father says."

"Fine. Don't believe me. But you'll see…you might be the next one he turns on."

I didn't want to listen to Kankuro.  
I didn't want to believe father.  
I just wanted my baby brother to be normal like Kankuro and I were.

Sometimes I had doubts about my safety.  
Whenever we would play, I would sometimes scrape a knee or elbow and Gaara would look at the blood intensely, and it would send chills up my spine.

But the chills would soon disappear whenever he would turn his chubby six-year-old face to me and ask, "Temawi, are you okay?"

He never could say my name right…and it always made me smile.

Whenever he played, he looked so innocent.  
So free.  
So…normal.

At night, he would want to be like Kankuro and me and sleep.  
He would sneak into our room and jump into one of our beds with us.  
Kankuro usually pushed him away roughly, yelling at Gaara to stay away from him.  
I would shoot Kankuro a dangerous glare, promising him pain once I got back to the room.  
Grabbing Gaara by the hand, I would walk him back to his own bedroom.  
It usually took a while to get there because father had placed Gaara's room in the farthest and most isolated wing in the house, far away from everyone else's bedroom.

Laughing and running to his bed, Gaara would jump on it a few times then sit down, grabbing his teddy bear in the process.

I always smiled at this scene.

I had given him that teddy bear for his fourth birthday because he never got to celebrate it.  
Father always took us to mother's grave on Gaara's birthday.

"It's a day for mourning, not celebrating." he would say sternly to us all.

But little Gaara didn't understand.  
He was so young…he wanted to run and play and laugh and be happy, just like all the other kids did on their birthdays.  
That year, Gaara was chasing after a lizard in the cemetery and father swung his fist to strike him.  
The sand came up and blocked father's punch, but it left Gaara in shock…he knew what kind of damage that punch could have inflicted.  
For the rest of the day, Gaara stayed away from everyone.  
When we walked home, Gaara stayed a few feet behind us. He stayed in his room all night and didn't come out for dinner or during story time with our uncle.

That night, I grabbed one of my stuffed toys and snuck into his room. I found him sitting on his bed, staring at a picture of our mother that our uncle had given him.

"Here." I said, thrusting the toy toward him.

"What is it?" he asked, not reaching out to take the bear from me.

"It's a birthday present…" I said and placed the bear next to him. "Mom would have wanted you to be happy today."

I watched as his eyes lit up and as he hugged my waist tightly.  
My skin crawled under his touch, even though I begged it not to…my body knew something was different about Gaara and wanted desperately to escape from him, but my heart made me stay there.  
He was so lonely, so misunderstood…  
I had to do what mother would have done…I had to be strong and love him and be there for him...

"Temawi…" Gaara's small voice broke me from my memories. "Kankuwo doesn't like me…does he?"

I sat down on the bed next to him and ruffled his hair, "He likes you. He just doesn't know how to show it."

Gaara continued to stare sadly at his bed and said, "No he doesn't…he hates me like father does."

"No one hates you Gaara." I said, deliberately lying to the child.  
How can you tell a six-year-old that everyone wishes that he didn't exist?  
I know I couldn't…

"Then why do they treat me diffewently?"

"Because you're…"  
he was what?  
A monster to be?  
A tool in training?  
An experiment gone wrong?

"you remind them of mommy." I decided on.

"Oh…" he said, hugging his bear tighter into his chest.

"Temawi, why can't I sleep like you?"

"Because if you sleep the monster will get you…remember?"  
I had made up a story to scare Gaara into not sleeping. I figured it was better then telling him that there was a real monster inside of him already.

"Oh yeah!" he said excitedly, jumping up and down on the bed once again. "The monster will come out of the desert and eat me up if I close even one of my eyes!"

Grabbing his arm, I forced him to stop jumping and to sit down on the bed again.  
He was so small…so innocent.  
Could Shukaku really be inside this small boy?  
If so, how did he fit?

"That's right…" I said, wiggling my fingers at him in a scary motion. "He'll come crawling out of the desert looking for a red-headed little boy to eat. He'll sneak up on your sleeping body…you won't even know he's there until he gobbles you up!"

I tickled his sides as I finished the story, causing Gaara to laugh and try to push me away.

"That's scawy…" he said after he stopped laughing. "I'm never falling asleep!"

Someone cleared their throat behind me, and I turned to see our uncle standing in the doorway.

He was all bandaged up. I looked from him to Gaara, who had reverted back to being quiet and sad…I guess he must have lost control again while I was off playing with my friends today. When I left him, he was sitting on a swing holding onto his bear. I didn't want to leave him alone…but I wanted to play with the other kids, I didn't want to be isolated like he was…

Guilt crept into my stomach when I thought about how things would have went differently if I had stayed by his side.  
Why was I so selfish?  
Mother wouldn't have left him alone…  
Why couldn't I be like her?

"Go to bed Temari." my uncle ordered.

I bowed to him and walked toward the door.

"Wait! Temawi don't go! Stay here with me tonight." I heard Gaara call after me.

I stopped in the doorway, my back still to Gaara.

"Temawi?" Gaara said, and I heard him jump down from his bed, his little feet barely thumping against the hard floor.

"Gaara! Get back in bed! Leave your sister alone. She doesn't want you around her." my uncle hissed.

A lump formed in my throat, and the silence that followed our uncle's order to Gaara only made it grow as the pressure started to build behind my eyes.

I could almost see the hurt on Gaara's face.

"But if I stay away from her…who will I play with?"

"Don't be selfish Gaara!" our uncle yelled.

The tears threatened to spill from my eyes now. I looked up at our uncle who was staring at me harshly.  
He looked so much like our mother…but yet, he wasn't like her at all.  
He was so mean to Gaara, but Gaara didn't know any different…he thought that our uncle loved him, if only he could see the truth.

I slowly walked out of the room, not even saying goodnight to Gaara.

"Temawi! Wait!" he called after me, but I kept walking…I couldn't look at him. If I did, the tears would escape.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" his little voice called out before our uncle slammed his bedroom door shut.

I ran back to our room and buried my face into the pillows on my bed.  
I wanted mom to come back.  
I wanted her to be there in Gaara's room, not our uncle.  
I wanted things to be like they used to be...

I woke up the next morning to silence.  
There wasn't any sounds of our uncle cooking breakfast in the kitchen.  
No smell of coffee.  
No sound of Gaara's little feet running up and down the hallways…

I looked over at Kankuro's bed and found it empty.

How long had I been sleeping for?

Rolling out of bed, I walked through the house.  
It was empty…

Walking to Gaara's room, I saw that the door was still closed.

I reached out to open up the door when Kankuro came out of nowhere and said, "Don't go in there!"

Jumping a little, since he had scared me, I asked, "Why not?"

"You haven't heard?!" he said, staring at me astonished, "Gaara killed our uncle last night! Dad has forbidden us to ever interact with him again."

_No…_ I thought. _This is all my fault! I shouldn't have been with Gaara last night…I should have let him stay in our room and pretend to sleep with us! If I would have done that, then none of this would have happened!!!_

I reached for the doorknob, but Kankuro blocked my way.  
Twisting his arm painfully behind his back, I pushed him out of my way.

"Ouch! Okay! Okay!" he yelled as I released his arm. Rubbing it with an annoyed look on his face he said, "Geez Temari…he's not even in there anyways."

"Where is he?!" I demanded.  
I didn't know why I wanted to see him, but I just had to.  
I knew how much our uncle had meant to Gaara and how he would react to everything…  
I couldn't let my baby brother fall asleep. I couldn't let the monster take control…I had to save Gaara from himself.  
Maybe if he knew that I really _did_ care about him he would be fine.  
Maybe if he knew that no matter what I did or didn't do I would always love him and everything would be okay…

"Father took him to work this morning." Kankuro said rotating his hurt him.

I sprinted past him, pushing him out of the way.  
I ran as fast as my short legs could take me. The whole way there, I was thinking of something to say to make Gaara understand.

By the time I had made it to the room where father had Gaara, I had a whole speech worked out in my head.  
It had to work…it _would_ work.  
I wouldn't let Gaara fall asleep, I wouldn't let the monster take control.

Outside of the room, I heard father screaming at Gaara.  
When I entered, Gaara was just standing there watching father's rant with indifference and boredom.

I saw the mark on Gaara's head and my eyes became wet with tears once again…but I fought them back.  
I was no longer the little girl that I had been the night before.  
Somewhere between our house and this room I had grown up, and I was now ready to accept the _full_ responsibility of being this family's alternative mother…I would no longer be selfish, my brothers would come before me every time.

"Gaara…" I said, interrupting our father.

Gaara turned his gaze to me and the innocent light that was once in them had now disappeared completely.  
They were now dull and lifeless.

"Temari!" our father snapped at me. "Get out of here. You are forbidden to ever interact with Gaara again. The only time you will see him is during training and missions."

But I continued into the room like I didn't hear my father's order.  
I just concentrated on the small boy in front of me.

Pulling him into a hug, I felt his body stiffen against me.  
I didn't feel his warm, baby fat-filled skin against me though, instead sand pushed back against me…he had completely covered his body with sand!  
It was a sand shield...he was protecting himself from everything around him, even my hug.  
My heart sank when I realized that I would probably never be able to really touch my baby brother again…I would forever have to touch and love a mound of sand.

I reached out to touch his cheek but he flinched away from me…I watched as his eyes scanned my hands and body for weapons.

"What happened last night?" I asked him.

I watched Gaara's eyes darken more as he stared at me. "You lied to me." he said.

His voice was no longer childlike. It held a eerie adultness to it that no child under the age of ten should possess.

"I didn't have to be asleep for the monster to get me…he got me while I was wide awake."

With that, he left me standing there. Arm still outstretched to touch his cheek.

Gaara walked out of the room and didn't even look back.

I knew that I would have no problem with obeying father's order…because I knew that Gaara would never deliberately seek me out to talk to, or play with, or confide in ever again. I had my chance, and I let it slip away.

I lost my brother that day.  
And gained a monster…and a lifetime of regrets.


End file.
